SlightlyCrunchyMama.com

To get totally caught up on the boobie drama you will need to read Parts I, II, & III.  Or you can just jump into the fray right here and join me at the end of my quest to get pumping accomodations while attending a national conference for work.  We pick up our story after I emailed them and told them that I didn’t consider a repurposed bathroom sanitary enough to pump.  The woman “Angie” from the national association calls me that very same day. I think to myself, “Great! They are getting my input.  Talking to the expert.  Going directly to the source.”  I was stoked… 

Association Staffer: “Angie” (it feels good to put her name in quotes because it allows me to also make a sassy face when I refer to her) calls me and begins her conversation by explaining in detail why the repurposed bathroom should be considered acceptable. 

My response: Unless the toilet was at least 15 feet away from the toilet (flying fecal matter and all that jazz) it was just not an acceptable accommodation.  I referred the federal law that Obama signed in to effect in 2010 that says a repurposed bathroom is not acceptable accommodations. 

Association Staffer: Says that they will put a placard on the door to ensure nobody else can use it and it will be cleaned thoroughly before using it.  She says she knows nothing about that law and it might be just in California. 

My response: I told her that pumping breast milk was just like preparing lunch for someone.  I don’t think anyone would suggest that we make our turkey sandwiches for lunch in that restroom; no matter how well it had been cleaned!   And what if one of the other pumping mothers used it as a bathroom?  Then the small amount of sanitation was lost anyways.  And how were they going to ensure that nobody else just ignored the sign and used it as a bathroom?

Association Staffer:  Tells me that she hears what I am saying, but it is the only option.  That the amount of money it would take to get another room altogether was not money they were willing to spend on such a small population (this from an association that provides gender neutral bathrooms at every event they sponsor)….She then refers to the family restrooms at Nordstrom’s and how if women can use that bathroom to feed their babies, then there should be no reason why I can’t use a bathroom at this conference center.

My response: Nordstrom’s bathrooms were HUGE, had multiple rooms, stalls, curtains, doors separating toilets from nursing areas and were in total larger in square footage than my first apartment.  Furthermore, I’ve never had to use them.  I just nurse my baby wherever we are comfortable.  Neither of us is really comfortable in a bathroom.  I understand that it would be completely socially unacceptable to pull out the pump in public, which is why I was asking them to provide accommodations. 

Association Staffer:  Told me if I didn’t want to use the designated space they could “pipe and drape” off an area in the volunteer office space but noted it would not be private, there would be staff in there the entire time and she was quick to point out that they would be able to hear what I was doing and, “would that really make me comfortable?”

My response: I shared with her that the amount of qualifiers such as “not private”, “staff in there the entire time”, and “would that make me comfortable” told me that while I might feel comfortable with that situation, you are telling me that you really don’t want me to take you up on that.    

REFLECTION: I am now fully aware that we were going downhill at this point…the conversation had stopped being productive a few moments earlier and we were just being downright snappy with one another.  She was projecting her breastfeeding feelings onto me via Nordstrom’s bathrooms and I was judging her through my slightly hippity dippity lense on the world…

Association Staffer: Tells me that is all they have to offer me.  (and this really irks me) Told me that the only other woman that requested accommodations was really “appreciative” that they would even think to provide the service for her.  

My response: It was irrelevant if another woman was comfortable using that space.  The facts remained that it was not sanitary and that I would not be using it.  I asked if I could have the other nursing woman’s contact information in case I decided to use the space (you know, so we could collaborate on times etc) and “Angie” said “Sure.” 

I never heard from her again.  I attended that conference without any sanitary pumping accommodations. I had to walk almost 20 minutes each way, each time I had to pump to use a friend’s hotel room.  It was the first that I have EVER had my work affected because of my need to pump during the work day (normally I can just close my door and hook up while I am catching up on email or making calls). 

It was really unfortunate, but the story does not end here!  I just got the satisfaction survey from the conference.  Don’t worry!  I’ll keep you updated on what’s happening.

If you are just joining us please refer to the first and second parts to get caught up on my quest for breastfeeding / pumping accomodations at a work related conference.

Conference Committee Chair:

Good day to you.  I have some additional information which I hope is helpful.  The designated space is a large single use family restroom with a lockable door.  The convention center using this space for this purpose and so knows how to set it up to work well.  There is a table and chair set-up within the space and the room is designated for special use with a large placard.  The proximity to the sink allows for ease of cleaning.  And I’ll make sure the space is stocked with some Clorox whips.  The end effective is that it becomes a very private space that hopefully will meet your needs.  If you have more questions or need more clarity please just let me know.  I am hoping you will have a great experience with us and I look forward to meeting you on site.

Me:

I appreciate the efforts you are putting in to create appropriate accommodations.  That being said, I’m really struggling with the use of a bathroom for pumping.  I’m preparing meals for my child – I don’t think either of us would want to prepare our own lunches in a bathroom!  You said that past areas at (conference) that were designated for this use were not bathrooms.  What was the solution then?  Is there an empty conference room or office space or something that is more sanitary that could be designated for this purpose?   I wonder if the (women’s subgroup associated with the conference) would have any ideas or could provide you with support as to how to best provide this sort of space?  Respectfully, unless there is a full door (not a stall) between the place to pump and the toilet (or at least 15 feet or so between the toilet and a place to sit) I just can’t imagine using it. 

Conference Committee Chair:

Thank you for reaching out.  I have passed on the message to the leadership team at (main association) for assistance.  You will hear back from one of us.

Me:

I have not heard anything back.  Do you have any updates?

Conference Committee Chair:

Thank you for checking in.  We have certainly not forgotten you.  I have copied on this message (name of woman) who works for (national association) headquarters.  She would like to touch base.  Is there a good number we can reach you at?

And, unfortunately, this is where the boobie milk really hits the fan.  Stay tuned…

As I have stated previously, my next breastfeeding hurdle is coming up in March.  I need to travel for work and will need to pump several times during the day, but I will be in a very large convention center.  Concerned as to what my solution would be, I emailed the conference committee chair an email and got this response.  How refreshing, right?  But the butterfly and rainbowy feelings of success did not last long.  The saga continues!

Conference Committee Chair:

The Family Friendly bathroom is located in the (building name).  It should be pretty darn private since the conference attendees will not be using it.  If you need more information please do not hesitate to let me know.

Me:

I was encouraged by your first email, but concerned with the second email.  Is the location that would be utilized for breastfeeding/pumping a bathroom? There is a difference between a family friendly restroom (where you can take your toddler, is gender neutral, you can fit a stroller) and a sanitary place (not a bathroom) to nurse or pump milk. Could you help me understand the accommodations, I couldn’t figure that out based on the floor plan provided.  I appreciate your help!

Conference Committee Chair:

First let me say, I greatly appreciate your response.  It just so happens that I messaged the same basic sentiment a bit ago.  (Conference name)’s past mom areas have not been bathrooms so I was wondering.  (My sister-in-law use to get La Leche League materials so I was trained well!).  The facility is new and apparently constructed this bathroom with the intention of accommodating the need for breast-feeding moms. 

Having said that I did not go in the bathroom when I was there and I have requested further clarity on the topic.  I’ll get some more information to you shortly.  Know this, we want you to have a good experience.  So we will work to make that happen.  I have also added to the end of the year report to include ‘family friendly’ information more extensively on the website, so if there is any future baby #2 this information will all be much more readily accessible.  More to come soon.

More to come soon, indeed.  Stay tuned!!

I never go out without the little man by myself.  I can count on one hand how many times this has happened.  But on Saturday I made plans to go shopping with a mama friend.  We were only going to be gone an hour or two, you know, just a short break to get some errands done and get out of the house.

But of course we had to have lunch first. 

Then we had to repark the cars, which were in one hour zones, in order to avoid parking tickets.

Then we went shopping for some cute maternity clothes for her.

(She is expecting #2.)

…and then we saw the nail shop across the way. 

Two spa pedicures please! 

(Which axed my only plan for the day, which was to find a pair of cute black boots to go with my winter dresses…but my toes looked oh so pretty!  Until the next morning, of course, when I chipped my middle toe.)

And hour later we were getting hungry again so we ordered some PF Changs to go…

Narrowly missed a parking ticket for my re-parked car. 

The short little trip out with a mama friend clocked in at just under four hours.

It’s okay…Dada needs to spend some quality time alone with the lil man every once in a while.  (But, he would tell you that the middle toe might have been Mama’s Day Out Karma.)

My next breastfeeding hurdle is coming up in March.  I need to travel for work and will need to pump several times during the day, but I will be in a very large convention center. 

Concerned as to what my solution would be, I emailed the conference committee chair this email:

I am coming to (conference) for the fifth year now but this will be my first year as a mom.  While there I will need to pump breast milk during work day.    Does (conference) have a room set aside during the conference for this activity/what is your plan to accommodate individuals who need to pump?   I know that (competing conference) is having a family-friendly space and will accommodate breastfeeding and pumping in that location.  However, I cannot find any information about what (conference) is doing.  Thanks in advance for your response!  

 Here is his response:

Congrats on the new young one in your world!  How wonderful!  I do not even know you yet I got instantly excited at the news of your new life development.  (Conference) has every year provided a family-friendly location for breastfeeding (as well as an open-gender restroom and other helpful accommodations for all those who come).  This information is usually included in the information that begins to come to attendees around this time so I’m sorry you did not find it online but happy that you messaged.  Let me make sure we have confirmed the location this year and I will be back with you shortly.  We are happy to have you and the little one joining us this year in (city of conference). 

How refreshing is that?  I know that we face obstacles every single day as breastfeeding/pumping mothers.  I think I was gearing up for a fight, or at the very least preparing the need to advocate for myself strongly.  What a relief to find out that the national association that represents my career was already advocating for me (us)!  While it won’t be easy to fit the time into the day when I have back-to-back functions all day long, I am committed.  My next steps will be exploring safe storage situations for the milk while I away from a refrigerator for upwards of 12 hours.

Have you had to travel while pumping?  What solutions did you come up to make it manageable?

All that crap about nesting, cooking and freezing food before the baby comes? It’s not crap. Cook now. Freeze now.

“Completely sleepless zombie mom” you two months from now will thank the heck out of “pregnant and kinda sleep deprived cause I’m peeing all the time” you.

Don’t compare sleeping, breastfeeding, or milestones with mamas who don’t pause at least a BEAT and listen to you before jumping in and comparing their own little precious one’s patterns. 

This is not a competition people!  See also: Don’t feel pressured from moms who try to push their parenting styles on you. (Me: No, I’m not interested in borrowing your babywise book, but I do respect your choice to use it.)  or Don’t surround yourself with moms who don’t support you no matter what parenting decisions you make. (Me: Hello world!!! I’m a bed sharing, non-CIO mama!! DEAL. With. It!!!)

Spend the money to buy the aden+anais swaddle blankets. 

They are magnificent. A little pricey, yes, but oh so necessary.  Nobody tells you that receiving blankets are completely useless once the baby has reached about 8lbs (which for me was the end of week one).  These swaddles work for a really long time and double as a breastfeeding cover, car seat shade, baby group blanket…oh, the list goes on. 

Go with your gut and do whatever you think feels natural to you as a mama. 

As parents, our instincts are pretty amazing!

Take everything EVERYONE tells you with a grain of salt (including me). 

Ha!

What is your bestest advice for first time prego or new mamas?

I found this poem and it made me cry and sparked this post. The poem itself is truly storytelling at its best.  It gets you emotionally attached to where you THINK you are going and then takes a turn for someplace totally unexpected. 

Wean Me Gently by Cathy Cardall

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don’t get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don’t break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.

For me, the emotions pop up because, as with many women, breastfeeding has been a rollercoaster of of a ride. The first few weeks were REALLY, REALLY hard.  Sometimes it would take Mr. Bug upwards of 15-20 minutes to get latched! He would put his itty-bitty little hands on either sides of my boobs and do “baby pushups”.  I know that he was trying to “help”, but in reality he was working against the goal.  To add insult to injury, sometimes once he did latch he would fall asleep (who am I kidding, it was most of the time).  The Hubs recalls opening the freezer and standing in front of him to wake him up a little. We were up for an hour numerous times every night trying to feed.  It was hard.  There was lots of crying (mostly mine) and I admittedly said more than once “Millions of women feed their babies formula, I can too!”…but I never did.  All of a sudden around the 3 week mark it just wasn’t difficult anymore.  We worked hard.  We persevered.  We succeeded.  We both got our groove and he was feeding like a champ! 

Our greatest accomplishment is when we finally figured out how to breastfeed with me lying on my side.  Oh glorious lazy days (and nights!) ensued!!  I wish I had pictures.  He was so peaceful and after he was done eating he would fall asleep right then and there almost every time.  And so tiny!  My boob was still bigger than his head in those days…And then came the noises filled with excitement right before he would latch. I swear, it was joyous laughter mixed in with a little bit of a Beevis & Butthead giggle. But it helped me know he was ready and excited to continue our breastfeeding relationship.

Then came our 7 month slump.  I thought I was getting my cycle back and my let down became really slow for about one week each month.  Mr. Bug was just starting to get wiggly and he would get really impatient (especially at night) waiting for my let down.  I emailed and asked everyone I knew why they thought my letdown was slower.  Everyone was really helpful and had lots of suggestions, but none of them worked.  Again, there was a lot of crying (mostly mine) while the Hubs and I figured out ways to calm him down and tire him out so that he would feed in the evenings.  There were many nights of rocking and waiting until he was just about to pass out and then we would nurse.  The answer has never really come regarding the letdown, but again, we worked hard, we persevered, and we succeeded.

Sitting here at the 10 month mark  I am so proud of us and our hard work.  There are so many obstacles put in place to make women wean from breastfeeding at an early age.  Going back to work full time has been incredibly hard.  I have grown to hate that breast pump!  At first I pumped twice a day, then I pumped 3 times a day when the letdown thing started, and now I am back to twice a day.  Admittedly, I am very lucky with the accommodations that my workplace allows me to have.  I have my own office with a locking door, so I never have to worry about privacy.  I am a salaried employee, so I never have to worry about being docked pay while I pump (and in reality, I often email and answer calls while I am hooked up).  I also fought to get a mini fridge put in my office, so I never have to worry about the sanitary conditions in which I have to store my breast milk.  But sometimes having to step out of marathon all-day back to back to back meetings can be an inconvenience.  I know it is a constant reminder to my supervisors than I’m a mama.  I’d be foolish not to think that it sits in their minds when they make decisions about promotions and pay. 

I will continue to pump as long as Mr. Bug and I continue our breastfeeding relationship.  Right now he nurses (or takes a bottle of breast milk at daycare) every time he wakes up and every time he gets sleepy and he nurses two to four times a night.  We started experimenting with whole foods (avocado, sweet potato, banana, oatmeal etc) around 6 months and he is now taking 1-2 ounce portions of food after he nurses at breakfast, lunch and dinner.  It feels good to be where we are at.  I feel like we have worked hard and that my baby has received the best nourishment possible. 

People keep asking me when I am going to wean and the answer is I don’t know when or if I am.  I don’t know yet if the weaning will be instigated by me or him.  Who knows what the future holds with my squiggly, wiggly little man?  But I agree with the poem whole heartedly when I request of him, “Please, my dearest baby boy, wean me slowly.”     

Thanks to Cathy Cardall, whoever you are, for writing this poem.  You tugged at my heartstrings and made me cry (in a good mama way).  Also, thanks to Kristin at Our Growing Garden from whose post I first discovered this poem.

I was the tenth and last woman out of my girlfriends to get pregnant during the 10-11 “year of the baby”.  Then the fall of 2011 rolled around and the next wave of pregnancy annoucements began.  Because of this, I got my opportunity to spew all the amazing knowledge I had learned in my first six months of mamahood, you know, because I’m an expert now!!!   Here are my “couldn’t live without this baby crap” items:

Couldn’t live with out the Ergo Carrier.

It is easier on the back of mom/dad and better for the leg area of the baby than the ever popular ”other” carrier. We got the Ergo Sport because it has more breathable fabric and it has longer straps so it would fit Clayton as well as me. Most of my girlfriends have the original and love it as well. Only fallback is you can’t carry the baby outward towards the world, you need to keep him toward you until he is big enough to go piggy back style. It comes up on babysteals.com every once in a while (one of the best deals on this site that I’ve seen). It retails for $115 but I got it for $57! I love this carrier!! Love it!  I also liked the Moby, but it takes a lot of practice to put on. But when he was an infant, the Moby was all I used b/c we never got the infant insert for the Ergo and waited until he was about 12 lbs to use it. I also used the Maya for a short amount of time, but I think I am ring sling deficient, could never figure out how to get him in there without him straightening his legs out and screwing up the whole process!!

The Aden & Anais swaddling blankets are a must!

No one tells you that all those cute receiving blankets you think you need are completely useless. I havea stack of like 25 and use on average one or two a week – i would be happy to give them to you if you would like to stare at them for awhile. They just aren’t big enough to do much of anything. I used receiving blankets to prop up my boobs for breastfeeding (TMI?) more than anything. But these swaddling blankets are actually large enough to swaddle the baby and I also use them to cover him in his stroller from the sun, as a blanket in his carseat in the car (they are super thin, so I don’t worry about him smothering himself) and he chews on them like a soothie, and they are great nursing covers too! I got the regular ones, but my friend swears the bamboo ones are softer (but she warns that the designs on the bamboo may “pull” in the dryer).  They have also come up on babysteals.com once in the past year and a half, so you never know.

Love, love, love the Rainforest Bouncer! 

This was how I went to the bathroom and showered during my first two months at home. (TMI again?? Well then stop reading my friend). The bouncer itself is sitting in the master bathroom to this day. The vibration did not put him to sleep like many others claimed, but those treefrogs and monkeys sure spoke to him. He was enthralled for like 10 minutes at a time. And at about 2 1/2 months he started beating up those frogs (going “apeshit” as the Hubs would say) by kicking and swatting at them and that would entertain him for like 20 minutes at a time, whoot!!  We moved to a new place and the bouncer somehow made it back into the master bathroom.  There’s no place like home.

My baby slept for the first week and then decided to never sleep again. That was until we got the Papasan swing.

I have a video of him when we got it at about 4 weeks. We placed him in it, turned it on, he was dazzled by those darn dancing lights and boom! within 10 seconds his eyes had rolled back in his head. Swings are highly controversial. Some babies love them, some hate them…some parents love them, and some are totally against them. For us, it worked when we really needed it. Once he started napping on his own, I would only use it when he really couldn’t fall asleep every once in a while.

Okay, this is not a need, but a want: the Bumbo. 

Not sure what the actual purpose of this seat is other than to help him sit up well before he can do it on his own. He loves the product (don’t use until he can hold head up) and loves being able to watch us do things – we often sit together in the hallway while I fold laundry…”This is Daddy’s blue t-shirt” or “Look , I have three socks that are without a matching pair”. It’s nice because sitting up keeps him happy and it allows us to be close to him while having hands free!

Not really a baby product, but a must have for being outdoors with baby or at any sort of mommy group, picnic or party (trust me, I have been to 6 one year olds bday parties in the past several months) is a waterproof backed portable picnic blanket.

We have had one from Nickelodeon and we hadn’t used it in 3 years and now I pull it out once or twice a week.  We were actually given one by a local restaurant that I frequent with the baby and other mamas, and I couldn’t resist buying myself another cute one (that’s the link above the picture). Find one that is big, has a strap, and waterproof backing. You will not regret it.

Almost…but not quite!  Check out this cutesy tootsey video! Around 8 seconds, how many of the mamas out there can relate to this one?  He’s absolutely breakin’ my heart!!!